Find Some sh** About Yourself You Like

Let me start by saying that the writing I have been doing since school ended has not been blog writing. I have made a very strong commitment that on September 10, 2013 I would have query letters ready to send to publishers for a book I am writing.  If you don’t recognize the date it is the one year anniversary of my sister, Kristin’s death. However, in happy news it is the two year wedding anniversary of my friends Erin and Katie!  (I digress)

But, I miss the blog like crazy because I miss writing for an immediate audience.  I miss the excitement of putting something out there and just waiting to see how it is received.  So, I am making a very strong commitment to once a week at least and more if I feel like it.

With that said, let me say this. I am fat.  You may be fat. Chances are you think you are fat.  There, we said it…and now can we PLEASE move on?  Somehow we have decided as a society that it better to complain about ourselves and how we look, then just accept ourselves or do something to change it.  As you know I am working hard to be healthy and that includes changing my weight, but I will be damned if I am going to insult this body that ran a half marathon last year.  Or this body that even gets me out of bed in the morning.  Saying we are fat to somehow apologize for how we look is (in my opinion) a habit we picked up from our mothers and appear to be determined to carry on to our daughters.  The funny thing is that when I am truly talking to people about my weight issues, often they feel the need to lie to my face and it goes something like this.

“I am working on losing weight.  I am not a healthy weight.”

“You are crazy, you look really good. You are not fat.”

Then this is what I think in my head.  Is it that bad to be fat that you have to deny it to my face?  People I have both a scale and a doctor.  I am overweight.  By quite a bit I daresay, and my chubby doctor would agree.  I am not saying it for your sympathy.  Oh God, give me sympathy because my road has been hard lately, but certainly not because I have gained weight.

I wish we could all think of ourselves as our first best friend.  If you wouldn’t beat up on your best friend emotionally, why the hell do you beat up on yourself?  Why are we so cruel to ourselves?  I think that is mostly what I want to say today.  Find some shit about yourself you love.  There has to be something!  Someone recently said to me, in quite a nasty way, boy, you sure do have a healthy self esteem.  As if this somehow made me a bad person.  You are damn straight I do.  I love myself.  I eff up often and grandly. I gain weight.  I parent in a way that can be stupid at times. But, good Lord, I am so lucky to be me!!!  I can run.  I make people laugh.  I always strive to be the best teacher I can be.  I cuddle with my daughter at night.  I type a blog post while my cat is staring at me.  I talk to God constantly and that may be in prayer or it may be in craziness, but I actually believes He loves me whichever one it is.

So, if you are feeling fat today I can relate.  I am not just feeling it, I am fat today.  Let’s go look in the mirror like champs  (naked if you dare) and say, “I am fat.”  Then, lets decide what kind of happiness we are going to spread in the world today.  If you want to do something about your fatness go for it.  If you don’t, don’t. But, the promise is that once we look in the mirror and state it we don’t have to state it again, to anyone, for any reason unless we want advice or support about our fat.

We are not promised the next minute.  Do you really want to waste this one thinking about how you look?  Be Strong.