Strong enough

Having readers is immensely exciting and exceptionally terrifying.  I don’t care if it is one person, 27 people, or 4,000 people.  When you know people are reading what you write there is a sense of accomplishment and a fear of failure.  Recently, on a morning when I was not sure what I was going to do on my vacation at my brother’s house, my brother said to me, “write a blog post.”  What?  How could I?  I didn’t have my laptop, my blue chair, William the cat, or my kid sleeping away in the next room.   Everything was all out of whack.  How was I expected to write in these tragic circumstances?

I ignored the little voice inside my head that said, “You call yourself a real writer?  You are a farce.”  (God, I love the word farce and I pat myself on the back that I just used it in this post, but I digress.)  When my brother said he was interested in some new stuff I again ignored the little voice that said, “New stuff?  Who are you kidding?  She  is all tapped out! She has written all she knows how to write.”  God, that voice is an asshole. 

And there it is…..whether it is writing, losing weight, quitting an addiction or insert your own obstacle to overcome here, we can be our own best friend or we can be a real asshole to ourselves.  In my case the asshole takes over when I am afraid of failing.  But, most often I can squish him like a bug and give myself a little more credit.  Because you know what?  I woke up this morning healthy.  So, I believe, I don’t get the right to complain nor to crawl back in a shell of fear.  I woke up this morning healthy and in honor of all those who are not, I wrote a new blog post, and I sat on my sofa instead of my chair, and I did not pour a new cup of coffee, and William the cat is NOWHERE to be seen.  And the asshole self who said I couldn’t do it?  He gets very quiet when I prove him wrong. 

What are you afraid of today?  Are you going to let that fear win?